One of the definitions of marriage, according to the oxford dictionary is 'a union of ONLY two people with the exclusion of others'.In my own opinion, I feel marriage is the union of just two people without the interference of other people. In most African societies, it is believed that a woman does not just marry her man, but his whole village or family. This, therefore gives each family member a say in the marriage, in my humble opinion I feel this shouldn't be so because like they say 'three's a crowd'. This method might have worked for them in the olden days where arranged marriages were the order of the day, but I daresay that belief should be expelled because whether we're willing to notice or not, times have changed and couples today have a widely different orientation from couples of old.
Most marriages today, always leave that option for divorce or separation open, and as such, the rate of divorce is rising steadily. Today's marriages have lost that sense of permanence which was present in the days of old, some couples just go through the vows in church without actually having a firm grasp of how deep the sentence 'till death do us part' is. This vow means that you're ready to be together for as long as you both live, to love each other through thick and thin, good times and bad, but all this is lost on couples of today who always know that there's always an option when things get 'too tough to handle' I.e divorce. This doesn't mean I think a person should endure emotional or physical abuse from a spouse, NO! , I strongly stand against domestic violence, but I don't think divorce is the option in every case. Some people are not even willing to try to work things out, they just always have divorced at the back of their minds. So many of our mothers and grandmothers and aunties endured or are enduring lots of things in their marriage, but they would never consider divorce an option because they were brought up to believe in the sanctity and permanence of marriage, unlike we children of the jet and computer age, the western world has made us believe that if things get bad, all you have to do is just call your lawyer and draw up those divorce papers.
Asides divorce is a problem in marriages today, marrying for the wrong reasons has also, become commonplace today. Sometimes I think to myself if it would have not been better for us to continue with the method of arranging marriages like they did in our parents and grandparents time because, those arranged marriages often outlast those marriages that are built on 'love'. Some young girls today wouldn't think twice about marrying a men older than their fathers because of material possessions. Some even go as far as claiming to love the old men and I sometimes just wonder if this could actually be true or maybe just what they say to themselves so they can sleep better at night, well it's just me and my thoughts right?
I've even seen some young girls marry a man simply because he helped her through school and I can't help but wonder IS THAT NOT TAKING IT TOO FAR?! I mean, don't get me wrong o I understand being grateful to someone for help rendered but seriously babe, there's gratitude and then there's just slavery... I mean just because he paid your fees through school doesn't mean he owns you or your life. Though, some of these young ladies end up falling in love with their helper and then marry him out of love, this I understand very well, it's the other set I really don't get. Some of these so-called helpers never fail to remind their 'helpee' how they spent their life savings on them and blah blah blah. If you didn't want to help don't help! Don't train someone in school so that you can hold it over her head to marry you, YOUNG MAN THATS JUST VERY CALLOUS'!!!
I also see some married couples today still going after other single people I.e having or trying to have extramarital affairs, and I say to myself "why marry when you still have eyes for other people?". I've had married men come to me and blatantly tell me " yes I'm married but that doesn't mean the game is over" One even said to me "I want something permanent with you" and I'm just like, WHAT IS MORE PERMANENT THAN MARRIAGE?!!! please can someone tell me o because how can you be wanting something 'permanent' with someone else when you have a wife and probably kids waiting for you at home? Let me break it down for you dear 'married' men, IT DOESN'T GET MORE PERMANENT THAN A WIFE AND KIDS!!!
Married women are not exempted from this syndrome too, they've graduated from getting down with Okon the houseboy and Musa the gateman, to keeping boy toys who 'service' them when they call, they in return pay for all his needs and unknown to them, they pay for his girlfriend's needs too (lol). These 'sugar boys' as I like to call them to drive the best cars, stay at the best hotel when madam is in town for business. I even heard a story of a woman who left her husband and four kids one day, nobody knew her whereabouts and then next thing they hear is SHE'S MARRIED ANOTHER MAN IN ANOTHER STATE! When I heard this story, I almost totally gave up on this generation of married couples. Similarly, another story I heard of a woman who is married with kids and she has a guy who she's engaged to marry also. The poor young man doesn't even know that his 'fiancee' is already someone's wife and mother (lwkmd)... It sounds funny when you hear but these things actually are happening in our society today.
Looking at the lifestyle of married couples today, I can't help but ask myself why they do it, get married I mean? Is it because society believes marriage should be counted as one of the successes of one's life? Or because as women society believes you're promiscuous if you're unmarried after a certain age? Some people even get married because their friends are getting married too. My advice to single people, therefore, is this; marriage isn't a competition neither do they give awards to the first person who gets married before his/her friends, so look before you leap because if you jump right in, there's every probability you'll jump right back out. I'm single and I intend to maximize this singleness by getting more in touch with and developing myself both mentally, physically, spiritually and even emotionally because marriage is not always rosy and I refuse to let today's culture of divorce influence me, I've always been and I still am a believer in the sanctity of marriage, so when I finally take that walk down the aisle, so help me God it will be forever. I hope you take my advice and not be a 'new age couple'.
Wednesday 15th of July 2020